Good afternoon folks! Finally have the time to blog. God, I miss the keyboard. Thanks to the repairman who repaired this now virus-free laptop, I can write stuffs now. :)
Anyway, I was hoping I can continue my monthly post of 50 things to blog about and so I'll continue with my chosen topic for this month.
We all have secrets, that's for sure. There are kinds of secrets that are on a surface area and there are those who are kept deep inside locked in a vault kind of thing. Suffice to say we all have different kinds of secrets. I myself, have different kind of secrets that most of the people didn't know, except maybe for my boyfriend who knows me better than I am. And with the blessing of this post, i'm going to exploit one of my secret...
The secret of making relationship lasts
I know, I know... you'll gonna say people from Thought Catalog, or Buzzfeed might have posted this but I wanted to share my own secrets from my own relationship, and i'm pretty sure you'll get what I mean.
But first, a little background on the side: I have been in a relationship for almost 5 years now and we started dating days before our High School Graduation Day. At first it was really hard, entering different colleges having new peers and such. For some people, they would simply say that being in college is fun especially when you're single and so they want to leave everything in their past (high school stuff will be just for HS stuff, and college will be for college stuff).Luckily, I don't work that way. For 5 years, we may have a crazy ride and detours along the side, but we NEVER thought that breaking up is a solution to every heavy problems we've had. All the way, we stick together fixing the relationship and surpassing our own individual problems with the help of each other. And so, I wanted to share our secret to this lasting relationship.
1. Keep the communications open.
Keeping the communications open has a deeper meaning. It's not just talking to each other about daily lives, but it is also an act of growing together as a couple because you trust each other well enough to keep the line open. Including secrets. One thing I have learned from the relationships is that, keeping secrets is always the reason why couples break-up. It's like when you know something with this person, you'll get to know him better and who knows, if it is good you tend to fall deeper in love and if it is bad, you'll just turn the cheek upside down and be positive about it. (ie. The secret is bad, but I'm glad that he/she have the guts to say it to me and I feel that he/she trust me enough to know these things). Although, it is healthy to argue, but when arguing, don't let a day pass by without fixing the problem. FIXING THE PROBLEM ha? NOT FIXING THE PERSON.
2. Control your EMO-tions.
Connected with secrets, there are times when we can't control our emotions, especially the "How could you..." and "Why on earth did you.."-'s right after telling the secret. I believe its just a matter of perspective on handling your emotions well. Think of it as a stress on your work, if you're good at managing good stress and bad stress, then this would be easy for you. You must not let these kind of emotions run through your mouth because it will make you more hypocrite and less lovable. Guys don't dig girls who can't handle themselves. They are more attracted to girls who accepts facts very cool and calmly... but not to calm and not to cold!
Okay, it might be hard, but with practice you'll get there. I for one, am still struggling with this kind of feeling because i'm a girl and I have a lot of feels. LOL. Now, if you can't do this completely, let's meet in between:
Yes, you can throw tantrums but at the end of it all, you'll accept it with a whole heart (without a grudge).
Being clingy is okay, but for some reasons you need to know the right place to get PDA clingy, and/or flirty clingy and all sorts of clingy-ness. Be PDA clingy when you are in a group where you can truly trust them, like besties, barkada or even family. Be flirty clingy when you feel like someone in that group likes to snuggle your loved one (yeah, they'll get jealous and forget their motives anyway...eat your heart out!). The one that I liked the most is being affectionately clingy. I called this because this is were I began to be clingy with him, even when no one is around, and it's just the two of us. I believe that being clingy is showing that you adore each other, and I would like to be clingy even if there's no people around us. Just you and me. What matters is you deliver your message to your someone clearly and without distraction. Okay, it may sounds creepy but I have learned it from a cat. One advice for you all, if your having a bad day this is an exercise that is good for you: Be in a quite place, face your partner (standing or lying down or whatever), look into his/her eyes, look deep into his/her soul... and smile. Sounds creepy but I liked doing this. Looking through his eyes, napapa-smile agad ako and stress goes away.
2.3 Don't be emotera
"Was kang OA kung mag emote, wala kang oscars na makukuha niyan." is always my mantra especially if I found out something from someone or even from my own investigation. This is for especially for the girls, but guys can relate too. If you found something he did, don't be such a pussy about it and instead, ask him nicely and calmly about it. Now, for the guys, when she ask this, don't be jerk and get mad right away instead be the same, nicely and calmly answer it.
In short don't let negative emotions run through you, instead use your mind, and use it wisely. With this method you'll find yourself becoming mature and you'll find that surpassing this would make the relationship grow, heck you might not even worry about this anymore.
3. Little things matters most
Love blooms in the most unexpected situation. Be honest with each other even if its just a minor thing and who knows it might be the reason why you fall for that person anyway. Compromise is always needed, it means you value each other's chains.
Little things you do, give bigger impressions. So what are these little things? Simple. Kissing the cheek, hugging tightly, cleaning the room, simple gentleman gestures, adding 2 more marshmallow to your chocomallow drink, bringing water or fan, kissing forehead, remembering dates, bringing flowers, letting you use his clothes, sing to you, dance with you, adding brown sugar to your coffee, letting him eat crispy pata when clearly he cannot eat anymore crispy pata, letting him play his games, letting her play your games, teaching her your games, be a noob in his games, morning texts, before going to bed calls, etc etc etc. One of my fave is when he kisses my hand. I'm an old soul and I liked it when he does it.
4. Share the same faith
Having God as the foundation of your relationship is the most strongest foundation you can ever have in the relationship. It would be nice to practice and share your faith together with the help of bible study group or attending mass together. It would make the relationship grow and you might find something profound and meaningful in each others lives. It's really magical, and it would bring you happiness in life.
5. Let go of the past
Need to say more?
Just learn from the movie Frozen... "LET IT GOOO"
Just learn from the movie Frozen... "LET IT GOOO"
Seriously, the benefit of letting it go is that, you'll be having more space for your present and for your future, which is actually more important than what's in the past.
6. TRUST EACH OTHER
The most important recipe of the relationship. Without trust, love is nothing. You must trust her/him enough to let her/him make mistakes, because these mistakes is what keeps you going, it keeps you learning from each other, it keeps the relationship healthy. Trust, is a big word. It may be long to build but i'm sure the result is worth it. And be careful lad, breaking the trust of your partner is painful. It happens from time to time when fighting but you'll feel that fighting would become non-sense because you have built a stronger trust on him just because.
7. Keep the fire burning
"You have been in a relationship for 5 years now, what do you do to keep the fire burning?" - is always the question that people asked me and this is my answer: Keep the fire burning, do something new, do something special, and learn something from it.
8. Listen and be open-minded
There are times when we hit the gas pedal right away without thinking it over. Listen and be open-minded so you would understand the situation before doing something about it. Again, it will help you grow together, and you'll learn something from it too.
9. Appreciate his passion
You must support him in whatever ventures he's in, vice versa.
Appreciating what's important to your partner gives you a things to learn more from your partner. It also works as an act of respect.
10. Good Mantra
Here's the deal, if you think and feel that you cannot live without her... then she's the real deal. And if there's something in the back of your mind that says "I had live my life without her before, sure I can do it again if ever..." then i'm sorry to say that you two wouldn't last. She's the one if you can see your future with her beside you, without any back conscience, without any hesitation. You have to think that there's no reason to break-up with her because you love her and you can't live without her. Mind over matter eh? It may sounds cheesy but it is real.
That's it! I think I may have forgotten something but i'm sure these 10 would be okay. This is my secret. Now i'm sharing it to you. :)
If you have more to add, please do and comment right below! :)
'till next post!